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|Sunday, October 12th, 2008|
|Tuesday, August 19th, 2008|
post images you want me to paint/draw. preferably of yourself. nudes take too long, so keep your clothes on. close-ups of faces are good.
|Friday, June 6th, 2008|
i quit at starbucks last week, and this week was my first week at guitar center...
i was hired to do sales in keyboards/recording, and drums. most of my time has been spent in drums. yesterday was my first day of sales, and i was #1 salesman on the floor; today was my second day of sales and i was dead last by a few dollars. sales is a weird game. yesterday, i picked out people that looked like they weren't going to buy, and it paid off. today, i picked out people that looked like they weren't going to buy, and their spending habits more closely resembled their appearance of apprehension. i sold a drumset to a kid at close, but he'd been in the store keeping me away from other customers since 2 hours before my lunch break.
sales is a roller-coaster ride of emotion, and when you're down, it would appear that the best thing to do is just to try again the next day. this is why old men have trite sayings; sales. my grandpa was in sales(until he became a lobbyist... which is still sales) and he mostly had really funny sayings/jokes/etc. but also had a lot of "when you're down, you've got to get back up" stuff.
working in sales is like wrestling a pregnant alligator. just when you think you've finished it off, there's a whole 'nother problem to attend to.
sales is like rape. i think that one's self explanatory.
|Thursday, May 8th, 2008|
so working at starbucks hasn't been all bad. when i first started, i learned that employees get basically unlimited free drinks. that part's mad nice. a single 10 minute break makes for a jason that is niccing pretty hard after a longish shift, and a 30 minute lunch isn't long enough for me to go anywhere to eat, so i just sit and smoke cigarettes... it's kind of nice in that way.
it's close enough that i can ride my bike if i wake up early enough, and it's far enough that it's a bit of a work-out... especially on the way home after a longer shift.
al gore was on fresh air yesterday, and he made me like him a little bit.. right now i'm rewatching a documentary about him from wholphin no. 1, and i like him a little more. :[ kind of sucks, actually. there's a good sound bite on there when he's talking to the film-maker, and he uses the camera as an example of the free-market demanding smaller/lighter/cheaper products... i don't think the auto industry is working very hard on camera-sized cars, but his point is that if the industry kept working at smaller/lighter it would be better for the buying public, and thusly for their sales... bla bla bla, i'm rambling, but al gore employed the device i call "media that is aware of itself" by acknowledging the camera, so it made me like him more.
long entry! i got to work at 9 today, and it turned out that i didn't have to be there until 11:30. haha.
hopefully, i won't have to work at starbucks for too terribly long, because i imagine it will get extremely old after a while.
|Friday, May 2nd, 2008|
who wants to go on a bike ride with me? i'm off sunday; austin may come with us, if it's in the afternoon.
it'll be a blast.
|Wednesday, April 9th, 2008|
it's not official, but it's hot, so i'm going to consider it summer. i'm wearing cut-off leisure suit pants, and a t-shirt and baseball cap, and i cleaned the house a bit and now i'm listening to the talking heads.
it's officially summer for me. i'll wait while everyone else catches up.
austin and i have been recording. it's nice to have stuff to work on in a solid way again.
oh shit, there's an HP ad on livejournal, and the tagline's "plug in to HP" and it has an orange amp but instead of "orange" it says "lovers." i wonder if they paid for that? it's a very distinctive looking amp, and it's not like it could be some other orange head or something. using a guitar that looks too much like a strat/tele/les paul or whatever in an ad can get you slapped with a cease and desist quickly, fastly, and in a hurriedly, so i wonder what's going to happen with that.
i think i want to go to a doctor and get an adderall prescription. my thoughts have been way way way jumpy lately, and it's starting to affect my work. i don't like to practice anymore, and when i record/mix/master, it's like i just want to get something workable, rather than something amazing. i dunno. does anyone have experience with this kind of stuff? what do you suggest? are drugs expensive? i've never been on drugs before, so i'm a bit worried about even trying anything.
|Friday, February 8th, 2008|
i have decided to do a series of lists. this is the first. it is titled "things that would be required as components in the rube goldberg device i'm building that will perform my hypothetical suicide for me."
1 grade A jumbo egg.
2 cloistered nuns.
an electric cook-top.
3 copies of "thriller."
a road flare.
144 ping-pong balls arranged in a helix.
a king james bible.
a gas cook-top.
4 ball bearings(the size of which will be unimportant).
19 camel cigarettes.
a 2 liter bottle of soda pop.
the rear suspension units from no fewer than four 1992 honda civic hatchbacks.
a lunch pail.
an empty 40 oz. bottle.
there will be more lists in the future.
|Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008|
i'm not mad with passion, i'm just disappointed.
|Saturday, January 5th, 2008|
the other day, i went to world market. i don't know if you've heard of world market, but it's basically a box store that sells novelty foods and soft racism. all of these old ladies running around shrieking "OOOHH LOOK AT ALL THESE CUTE LITTLE ORIENTAL PEOPLE MATS! HONEY, DO YOU WANT A STATUE OF AN INDIAN PERSON'S GOD? OH MY GOSH, THEY SELL JEW HATS!"
that joke came about... because people sometimes don't get the "i have a rapport with black people" joke*1. so i decided to work more on the idea of jokes dealing with "happy racists" in a way that removes the teller from the object. soft racism is a subject that is difficult to write jokes about because many people don't see it as something that's far enough off whack to make fun of.
i dunno, i'm pretty happy with the new and improved soft racism joke.
*1 - a lot of people have a hard time saying the N word, but not me. i can say it all i want, because i have a rapport with black people.
|Wednesday, December 26th, 2007|
i just bought some things.
soccer socks, a sheet of plywood, a delay pedal, 4 fluorescent lightbulbs, 3 sets of drumsticks, baseball socks, an atari for eric, and a new guitar slide.
it makes sense when i group the things by place i bought them, but i like the way it sounds when i jumble it.
merry christmas, kids.
|Wednesday, November 28th, 2007|
|long entry.. happy birthday steph.
i sometimes run into people that've never had a shitty job. they usually try to have empathy, but they don't really understand what it's like. they say things like "yeah, well, i guess that's life." or "so, why don't you just get a new job?" they don't understand that it took a while to get the shitty pay you're getting from the shitty job up from what it used to be which was even shittier. they don't understand that without the shitty job, you wouldn't be barely scraping by; you'd be not barely scraping by... which is a lot worse.
i always like to look on the bright side, though.
the best thing about shitty jobs is the never ending supply of "whoa, did that guy just really say that?" moments. i don't like to exaggerate, unless it makes something i'm saying substantially funnier, and this next statement could not possibly be made funny by any amount of exaggeration.
i hear the new craziest thing i've ever heard in my entire life every single night at work.
usually, it's a variation on the previous record holder, which is usually some public outburst in which someone brazenly uses the N word multiple times.
sometimes, however, it's something actually interesting and not so much awkward/scary/creepy... a carefully laid out get rich quick scheme that fails to take into account the fact that platinum costs money, or relationship advice for the newly married guy that includes the phrase "you fucked your way into this fuckin' mess; just fuck your way the fuck out of it."
there are other good things about having a shitty job; the fact that i don't really think about my shitty job when i'm not there, or the fact that i won't miss it when i get a new job, to name a couple. however, there's also this one really nice thing about working for people that are less qualified to function that you are... you can pretty much do whatever you want and you'll never get fired. when you get offered a management position on your third day, and you haven't really shown any leadership qualities other than a tendancy to be on time, you have absolutely no worries about job security with your present employer. once, just to see what would happen, i brought up an idea i'd been kicking around in my head of getting another job so i could get more hours... the next day, 3 people got fired. i'm not even trying or being a super amazing employee. what a shit-hole.
also, you can pretty much phone it in when you feel like it. having a shitty job is awesome if you have other stuff to do. if i wasn't in school and playing music and working on this new project i'm not really really really talking about, i'd go crazy from boredom at this job but as it stands, it's the best.
i'm looking for a new job, but i'd need $12.50 hourly, night work available, but not really needed, it'd have to be close to my house, and i'd have to be able to listen to music at any volume i desire for the entirety of my shift.
or, i could see myself working as a "pool boy" for a swedish nymphomaniac supermodel who has a father that owns a ferrarri dealership and a mother that's a professional muffin baker.
|Tuesday, November 6th, 2007|
|an email to my mother...
the following is an email to my mother regarding a project i'm helping her with(it's my day off, and i like doing artsty/craftsy stuff, and i don't spend enough time with my parents)... i just bought some records from a thrift store for her to use as chargers(like a place mat, but not) at a party. the theme is "shake it up" and they settled on mostly elvisy stuff... so i thought it'd be cool to make a stencil of elvis up on his toes with the guitar slung on his back to put on the records/chargers(the records are mostly italian opera singers, so that's not very elvisy)... this image is hard to find. the email is below. i'll label it "email"
i've been looking for 30 minutes, and i'm still not reallllly happy with any of the ones i've found.
it's like elvis's ghost is hiding in the internet making sure no-one gets to use any of the good pictures of him for interesting stuff... which is absurd, because as we all know, the internet is only a place that really bad people go when they die and become ghosts. well, after they spend 20 *weeks* in solitary confinement with the not-so-great lampshade... at least that's what it says in the Good Book(it was originally a cookbook, but "the amazing homeless johnathon" translated the readings between the lines for all true believers. side note about the amazing homeless johnathon; he was named johnathon because his name was john and he loved to compete in distance running events.) , you can believe that if you want to.
*yes, they use the Gregorian calendar in the afterlife, not to be confused with the "gregarian" calendar which is only used by boyscouts, and anyone in the military or post office.. yes, the afterlife has a post office and military, the reason for this is yet to be explained by "the great peanut butter and nanner sandwich in the sky(trademark pending)"*http://www.lovingyouelvis.com/images/photo_member_pose.jpghttp://www.elvis2k.co.uk/elvis-impersonators-concert-01.jpghttp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/55/Elvis_presley.jpg/465px-Elvis_presley.jpghttp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3c/Elvis_statue.jpg
HAHA the one i like the outline of the most so far is a bloody statue!
after reading this message backto myself, i realized that A) i really need to hit my keyboard harder on the first go, so i don't have to insert spaces into messages after the fact and B) i must be in a writing mood today, because i just let it fly on this one....http://www.elvisphotos.com/images/gallery/large/01173_lg.jpg
this one's ok...http://www.elvisphotos.com/images/gallery/large/01268_lg.jpg
i hope these give us something to dig through... i've got a writing meeting at 5, so i'll be out until about 9ish, and then i'll come home... if any of these suit your catfancy or your regular fancy, i'll get right on turning it into a stencil. also, i think i have a single cassette of "shake it up" by the cars... i haven't seen it in a while, because i've had a cd player in my car for so long, but that'd be kinda cute/funny.
ok, email over.
ok, post over.
|Thursday, October 25th, 2007|
sorry i haven't posted in a bit. between work and the fact that nothing seems to jump out at me as something worth writing about, i have not had the time nor the desire to post.
that said, i also don't feel that i have to explain myself to you people. i would go and just erase that first paragraph, but i'm being paid by the word.
ferret and i are planning to have the most bad ass-christmas party ever. and yes, it will be a christmas party. there'll be no censoring the not-really-religious "expression" of the immoral majority on my watch, buster brown. so if you're jewish, you're welcome to come, but don't be all "wah wah wah, why are these idiots talking about jesus?" because honestly, i'm all yelled out about it already. they're talking about jesus because they're weak, and his story gives them fake hope in a fake life after we fake die.. or do we really die? well, i'll burn that bridge when i get there... simple answer, next question. basically, i'm calling it a christmas party because i don't want to be one of those atheists that's kind of a dick about it. no jesus, but bring out your santa hats. the theme of the party is "awesome sweaters." not awesome in that "hey, that's a really well put together sweater. is that cashmere?" kind of way, but awesome in that "holy tits, did that sheep drop peyote?" kind of way. there are like 7 thrift stores in town, start looking now.
in other news, we're soon going to have an awesome new room-mate. his name and biographical information will be provided in due time, but for now i can say that he is awesome and that he is also very awesome. neat, clean, and no pot. he plays music that is not only tolerable, but enjoyable. he has a semi-legit job, and is a lot of fun to hang out with.
things are looking up for the s. capitol pkwy house.
moses is playing well again. i'm looking forward to playing out. we've got 2 shows booked for the first 2 weekends in november, and a house party in mid-december. the 3rd of nov. is at head on the door, and that'll be a blast. the 10th is at rooster's in auburn, so.. also a blast.
on to a joke...
so i was fucking this jewish guy in the ass the other day, and not in that gay way, but like in a really angry violent kind of way. you know, the way straight guys ass-fuck dudes. anyway, i was trying to get into, but not enjoy it too much, but i was torn on a moral issue. in such a situation, is it appropriate to call the jew a "kike?"
just something to think about.
|Friday, October 19th, 2007|
i am not a demanding man. i do not complain at restaurants, and when i walk out of a movie, i do not ask for my money back unless it's within the first 20 minutes of the movie. this is just how i am. i'm laid back like that, i guess.
but seriously, fuck nbc.com. the following is a written transcript of a fictionalized account of my recent dramatization of my imaginary interaction with an inanimate object.
"hey, look how awesome we are. we'll play the office for you jason, because you missed it because you had to work. you won't even have to download it on bit-torrent, and you can watch it now, even though that nerd on youtube only uploaded 1/5 of it, won't that be great?"
yes nbc.com, thank you so much. i love you so much for doing that for me. i won't even mind sitting through the same mazda commercial with stupid music over and over again. thanks again, nbc.com.
"oops, sorry jason. it appears that we're going to stall every 2 minutes for 3 minutes at a time and then you'll have to watch more commercials every time i start playing again. it's actually a funny story. our IT guys say they did it on purpose, just to fuck with you."
oh. ok. that explains why it's taken me 30 minutes to get to the first scheduled commercial break in the damn show. i appreciate you making the only show on t.v. that i'm watching along with the t.v. watchers right now, but could you not give me t.v. blue-balls in the future?
"no, we'll do it again next week if you give us half a chance."
what do you think? i'm thinking about entering it in some festivals...
on to a real post, i suppose.
i'm planning on staying up all night tonight in order to reset my internal clock. i need to start getting up earlier, and i can't do that when i can't fall asleep until 6 or 7 in the morning. so i'm going to insure that i will be EXHAUSTED when i get home from work tonight by not going to bed until then.
i might post again.
|Thursday, October 18th, 2007|
|booze and hookers.
oops, i didn't post last night. ferret and i drank and played videogames...
what's the deal with airline food? i imagine passengers wouldn't mind paying more for what could possibly be their last meal...
i've been trying to riff on some anti-fat people material lately. it's easy material to write, but i don't think i'll ever be able to deliver any of it. it's not that it "swears" or it offends religious people... it's genuinely offensive to over half of this country, and i would feel really bad... and i'd get my ass kicked. it's pretty funny though. if you're interested in hearing it, just ask sometime, and i'll make sure no huge people are around. as you know well know, i'm on the chubby side, so it's not "chubby" jokes, it's fat jokes. full on fat people material.... it's almost as good as my anti-baby material, and only slightly less funny than my anti-people material.
i have to be at work soon.
|Wednesday, October 17th, 2007|
|tech for less
how's it going, live journal? it's going alright on my end. i start school tomorrow morning. i have 1 class that meets on monday/wednesday mornings, and 1 that's only on monday nights. for 5 effing hours.
it's going to be a blast.
so yesterday, aaron and i were talking about how i'm looking for a cheap monitor, and he told me about tech for less.com. i checked it out, and holy cripes. they have basically NO selection, but they have amazing deals. $100 for a 19" lcd monitor because it has 3 dead pixels, you say? hell fucking yeah, says i. and they have crazy shit-brand mp3 players for next to nothing, as well.
on to more important topics. my navel has been fascinating me as of late.
tonight, i participated in my first ever D&D game. it was much different than i expected it to be. i thought it was going to be more nerdy, but it was more... well, it was actually fun. like a board game, but there's 1 character that acts as the narrator. anyway, while i was playing, i took notes, and i made a small list of things that would be inappropriate to say while playing D&D. a very hacky, drive time dj, jeff foxworthy way to go about writing jokes, but whatever. on to the funny.
1. "so, um, at what point do we get to start pwning n00bs?"
2. "boy, it sure is a good thing that there are no jews in this game. high five!"
3. "so, when does my character get laid?"
4. "hey, why don't you roll a will check to decide whether or not you're gonna have to shut the fuck up?!"
i think having the right to make d&d jokes would have been worth playing even if i hadn't enjoyed it. ferret's the DM, so it's not as awkward as like just playing with strangers or whatever. and no-one that's playing is like creepy or anything, so it's mostly light-hearted goblin killing and mystery solving and hooker killing. no joke, we can kill hookers in the game. how's that for fun?
it's 2:20am. i'm not particularly tired, but i need to be up by 9ish to be at class by 10:30. leave comments. i'll almost definitely have more jokes tomorrow night. i didn't have any real quality sitting around time today, to speak of. tomorrow i'll have a 3 HOUR class, and several hours between class and band practice, so i'll be sure to come up with something.
p.s. what do you call a hairdryer with no power cord? i dunno, but i distrust mexicans!
that's not true, i only distrust mexican'ts.. and even then, it's only because of their culture. i have nothing against them as people, they're just such downers. "we can't do this." and "we can't do that." well, apparently they CAN speak english.
pps. the guy that makes faces for my moods makes a really dumb face for horny. i think that's supposed to be his "o" face. Current Mood: horny
|Tuesday, October 16th, 2007|
|it's 2:43 in the am...
so i'm going to try to write an entry every single night. we'll see how that goes. i'll basically try out jokes i've been working on over the course of a day, and this way i can get feedback on my work immediately... or at least kinda quickly.
actually, i think i'll just ramble for a minute. i'm having trouble remembering anything i came up with today.
ferret has been in a bad mood lately. it makes me sad to see him sad, but there's not much that can be done about it.
i hung out with aaron earlier tonight. we went and picked up a car for his fiance's brother, and then we went out for sushi... then, we came back here, and sat around and talked to ferret a bit and then austin called and we went to 1048 for a drink.
at 1048, i saw my sister's ex boyfriend. i waved, and he gave me the finger. i'm not sure why. i mean, it's not like i liked the guy, but i never really did anything to make him think i disliked him. well, once i made fun of his tattoos, but anyone would have done the same; he has silly tattoos.
i start school on wednesday. that should be nice. i'll be taking 2 classes, and the semester's over in december. in the spring, i'll take 1 class each half semester, and 2 full semester classes... so i'll take no more than 3 at a time, but i'll knock out 4 classes in a single semester, as if i was going full time.
steve ballmer makes me happy. people make fun of him, but i think he's really quite brilliant. a few days before the iphone launch, he slightly underestimated apple's ability to sell people stupid shit that they don't need for prices they can't afford. he caught a lot of shit for it, but he was right. the all-in-one phone microsoft has been pushing/selling for over a year now(i think it's a motorola of some sort, and it runs some windows portable os) outperforms the iphone in every way except for "cuteness." well, cuteness and the "gotta have it" factor. this begs several questions. why would someone spend so much money on an "internet" phone that A: doesn't have a proper keyboard and B: costs $500?
i can't really debate for either side, because i don't fully understand either side. i'm of the opinion that nothing important will ever be typed with a person's thumbs. texting from a phone is a boat that i never jumped on, and i know it's going to make me sound like an old fart or something, but what ever happened to talking on the phone?
atonal music is antisemitic.
that is all.
|Friday, October 12th, 2007|
steph told me to write an entry, so i'm gonna. i just woke up, so i'm going to go have a cigarette first.
ferret and i stayed up wednesday night and cleaned the house. i mean, we put a major hurting on the place. i just hope it stays that way long enough for us to get to enjoy it. we even cleaned under the drawers in the kitchen, where we found the expired driver's license of the lady that owns the house, and several expired calling cards... oh, and a lot of dust.
foosball is by far the most humorous thing to get into a shouting match about. it simply is. bowling is a close second, but they air that on "tv"(cable, at 2 in the morning), so it's not as humorous. here, i can prove it, i've got pie charts right here.
they make my body feel good.
shut the fuck up, tom.
dogs do not like you.
they only think you have food.
you are really sad.
that's enough of that.
haikus are pretty lame-o.
i will finish now.
work sucked last night. not sleeping for over 36 hours does not put a person in a good state to close a restaurant. even a shitty restaurant.
i have to be at work in less than 2 hours, and i really don't feel like going. ferret's not going, on account of him being sick. hopefully, james will let me leave early, if i get there early...
i need something to eat.
the onion video news is sometimes hit and miss, but there's a new one... "use of 'n-word' may end pornstar's career." brilliant.
i'm bored this morning, and i have nothing to talk about. sorry.
|Sunday, October 7th, 2007|
|Friday, June 22nd, 2007|